Oct 14 2009
children – to have or not to have, that is the question
The debate on starting a family and having kids is one that will continue to plague us for many many years. There is no “fix it” solution out there simply because it’s about personal choice and short of making it law, we can never control what people do or do not want.
The Singapore government has thrown a very sexy package of incentives to parents to encourage them to have kids. Great, I say! I’m a parent and plan to have another kid so these benefits are great for someone like me. But what about those who were not considering having kids, would this make a difference? Or perhaps a more accurate question is – would this get them to start thinking about the possibility of having kids. And my answer is yes.
So in that respect, the incentives have worked. If it’s got people to start thinking about the option, then it’s a campaign that has worked and really that is all the government can do to get the ball rolling.
It’s amazing being a parent! Really, I speak from what little experience I have. I have a three and a half year old daughter and she is such a joy to have. I cannot tell you how much we love her and until you have a child of your own, you’ll never know just how much your parents love you. Honestly!
But these days there are so many distractions out there. I once met a man who told me he was from a family of 8 children. I looked in disbelief…and then he said half jokingly - ”my parents didn’t have a TV!”
Yes, these days there are many distractions. And as a young single person or worse still a DINK (double income no kids) your lifestyle is quite simply – awesome! Cash in hand, no added responsibilities, you eat at nice restaurants, buy what you please and you can just pack up and go for a holiday as and when you please. So why would you want to have a kid and give up that lifestyle?
I can only say – think long term.
What is a family gathering if it’s only the two of you? It’s just not the same. Sure, there are friends and all, but honestly, your own children and later their children, bring about an atmosphere that cannot be replicated with just friends.
My parents today have 7 grandchildren and I think it has really given them a second lease of life. They spoil the kids rotten, they play with them, they take them to the park, buy them ice cream, sweets, toys…they do all the stuff we tell them not to. They have added a festive mood to the home by their bubbly laughter and cute one liners. These children are helping them create more wonderful memories, some of which will probably resurface at their wedding!
On the flip side, the grandparents are a good influence on the children as they help pass on good values and teachings.
So all in all, I say, just keep an open mind to having kids. Don’t think of it as hard work or time lost. Sure, you may miss out on some things but when you weigh them against each other, there is simply no comparison. How can a night out compare with the love from another person?
I fully agree with you on having children. I came from India and am settled here with 3 children. Two years ago when we had our 3rd child is simply to have a bigger family gathering when we grow old. Our family gatherings are usually with friends and their families and I still miss my cousins and uncles and aunties back in India.
My suggestion for those who are just married is to have children when you are young so that you will have enough strength and energy to play with your grandchildren too!