random thoughts…from steven

Not too long ago, I wrote about paternity leave saying that there should be something put in stone to officially recognize the man’s role in parenting. Over the last few days, I’ve thought about it more and the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s not just about the incentives given. Those help but it’s no use if they are offered but not taken. Let me explain.

We could have many parental benefits on the shelf for the taking but if our mindsets do not change then it’s useless. So whether you are offered 6 months, 2 months or just 2 weeks of parental leave, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get to take it.

So why don’t you get to take it? Take paternity leave for example in many Asian countries. There is a large dose of peer pressure from the other men who never take their paternity leave, if you did, you would be seen as the “weak” one. So not only do your peers look at you that way, your employers do too and it can affect your climb up the corporate ladder.

For women, it’s accepted that they need some time off to have the kid, but the longer they stay away, the worse it is for them. Some companies even choose to let go of female employees once it’s discovered they are pregnant. And even if their job is “held” for them, they may return to a lower position with lower pay. So again, they are penalized for having kids.

While many of us who have kids talk about how wonderful it is to have them, do we actually practice what we preach. So if you are an employer, what would you do if your wife was working for you? Would you penalize her for taking time off from work? Or if your son were working for you, would you take him off the race up the corporate ladder because he asked for more time to spend with his family?

We don’t seem to have a compromise, we say we want to be flexible but we don’t dare. In this day and age where much of our work happens on the computer, do we really need to physically be in the office those 8 hours a day? Can’t a mother be home and still work? Believe it or not, a friend who is enjoying this flexible arrangement working from home tells me that she actually spends more time working at home, than at work. The only difference is that it’s often late at night after the little one has gone to bed.

So here are some suggestions.

Firstly, employers should acknowledge the fact that their employees will go “missing” from work for some time when they have a kid and work that into the system. From the moment you hire a person, know that at some point during their career, they will need to take time off. Plan for this time and have an action plan that can be activated once you know someone is pregnant or when the delivery date is (for fathers). It sounds logical, but for some reason, many companies don’t practice this.

For the woman, you usually have 6 months to plan for it (since most report only after the baby is confirmed at 3 months) so there is no reason why that person’s job cannot be suitably “shared” or a temp staff brought into to cover.

For the man, with no current legislation, it’s up to you to decide how much time off he gets, but let’s go with the figure of 7 days. Again in this day and age, doctors can predict fairly accurately the actual day of arrival of the newborn, so again, there is lots of time to prepare for this. And if he’s just taking a week off, how bad can that be? If your company cannot survive without that person for one week, then you might want to rethink how you are running your company.

Similarly, some women can work right till the day they deliver, some women can’t. Some can be back at work in a month, others may need longer. And for all parents, the second and subsequent child will be easier, so again, time off for parents then could be shortened.

At the end of the day, it’s all about being flexible and willing to accommodate. Each individual is different and will have different needs. Employers and human resource departments need to realize this and be willing to actually talk to each employee to work out what is best for them.

But first, we have to be willing to accept that this “change” can happen and that we want it to happen. So we need to change our mindsets into one that embraces a work life balance culture and this often means putting the person before the job. It may surprise many, but we were brought into this world to live – so we work to live and not live to work.

Yes, it’s happened once again…the Singapore government has decided that women have a larger role to play in parenting than men do. Yes, it’s true that women do carry a much larger burden at the start and I mean that quite literally…but after birth, besides the breast feeding, should not the father and mother have equal care giving roles?

The recent slew of incentives offered by the Singapore government to try and “entice” people to get married and to have babies are no doubt attractive. In and of themselves, no one would go get married or have a kid just because of the incentives, but if you were thinking of doing either, they do make it a lot easier for you to take that next step.

My gripe though is that the incentives are all largely “woman centric” especially with regards to the “having babies” side of things. So yes, there is more maternity leave and childcare leave, be it paid or unpaid. But what about paternity leave? Why can’t we officially recognize that men do have a role to play in the whole process?

Singapore’s Deputy Prime Minster Wong Kan Seng said ”When we studied other countries with paternity leave, like the Scandinavian countries, we found the majority of them do not take it”.

Which begs me to ask if this is a fair comparison. Are Singaporean men like Scandinavian men? There are so many differences in the work, life, culture of the countries. In fact, if one was to draw a comparison, why not pick another Asian country. For instance, in the Philippines married fathers get seven days of paternity leave and what if these men took all of the leave granted to them? Then what? Would we then have used another country for comparison?

But my main argument would be, why do we have to wait for others to do it before we do it? Singapore has always taken great pride in being the first in many areas, so here’s another opportunity for us to take the lead. Let’s show the world that Singaporean men are “involved” fathers, show them that our men can and do make a difference in those early days of parenting. Let’s be the ones to say, men play a big role in parenting especially when the first new born arrives.

Any couple with a new baby will tell you that the first time is always nerve wrecking and that every moment in those early days are special. So all I’m saying is that we should let Dads be around for those special moments.

There are many options out there. Whether it’s to provide parental leave that can be shared by both parents, or be it to set some conditions as to how the paternity leave is used. We are a highly “regulated” city so I’m sure our civil servants can find an alternative that works for all!

We just need to bear in mind that many fathers today do want to get more involved and we’re asking for the chance to do so. And even for those fathers who may not, given the chance to be around those first few days, I’m pretty sure many will be convinced just how special those moments are.

It’s time we recognize that fathers are just as important and they do play a huge role in raising children. So let’s give them the due credit and welcome them officially into what has been this “maternal” world…after all, we need to remember that it does take two to tango.

Singapore’s National Day Parade took place over the weekend on the 9th August. Coming one day after the opening of the Olympics in Beijing, one could not help but feel “small” after seeing that opening ceremony. Especially since we knew expectations would be raised since everyone had now seen just how awesome an event could be.

But I need not have feared because there truly was no comparision. They were two entirely different events and people knew that. This was our birthday, it was for Singapore and not for the whole world. While we did invite much of the world to join us (since this is the first time it’s been carried by Channel NewsAsia to over 20 other countries in the region), we knew that this was very much a personal celebration for our country and our people. It was a celebration of the Singapore Spirit.

Despite a light drizzle that set in mid way through the show, spirits remained high. I was inspired because though I had seen the show several times before during rehearsals, that night was special and I did feel a buzz in the air. So if you did get a chance to hear me doing the TV commentary and if I did sound like I was having fun…it’s true, I was!

Yet at the same time, I’m glad it’s over. It’s nice to have my Saturdays back again. But it’s been a wonderful experience for me since this is the first time I’ve done the TV commentary for the show. It’s shown be a whole new dimension to the parade and I am truly appreciative of the people who work behind the scenes.

Happy Birthday Singapore!