random thoughts…from steven

It’s the first day of a brand new year and I started that adventure with a trip to the store Robinsons, to get some new bed linen and pillows. Why not? Have you ever tried lying in bed sheets that are over 500 thread count? It’s a whole new experience. They are so soft and comfy…you can stay in bed all day. Of course the mattress does count too. In fact, it was only about 2 years ago that my wife and I invested in a proper mattress (meaning, not the kind that comes free with the bed frame) and wow…did we sleep well that night. Yes, I was rudely awakened by my credit card bill at the end of the month, but I figure with the number of hours we sleep in our beds, it’s well worth it.

As for my tree…well, I think we’re off to a good start despite the rainy weather because it’s got it’s first flower! Yep, as you can see, this pretty lady in pink is looking all happy. From what little I know, this is a good sign because it means the roots are finding their way into some good soil and in general, the tree is securing itself into the ground and making itself at home.

So hopefully as we get hit with more sunshine, it’ll really just kick off and start blooming big time!

It’s these simple things in life that keep me happy. I’ve come to realize that I don’t fancy the big countdown parties, the late nights out on the town. Why wake up the next day with a hangover? Why not just bring the party home and start it earlier? Yep, it’s a sign of age and people try to fight it. But why? I’m actually kinda liking this whole getting older thing…well, some of it at least!

Two days ago, I planted a frangipani tree in my front garden. This is my third attempt. The trees just did not seem to grow even after a few weeks…and then I realized two things – after the fact.

Firstly, trees need more than a few weeks to grow, frgangipani’s are very durable trees and though they may look like they are not going to make it, they actually do. Secondly, my garden was not all soil…meaning, there was concrete below it. You see, the previous owner had a pond at the same spot and when we took over, we asked the contractors to remove it and plant grass instead. Of course, human beings are inherently lazy and so what can’t be seen is often neglected.

And as you might imagine, they left the pond intact and just threw soil over it. Enough for grass to grow, but not so great for trees to grow.

So now that I’ve got those things sorted, hopefully this third attempt won’t be a tragedy like the first two.

I like gardening. Just like cooking, there is something theraputic about it. That is if you have the time and if you enjoy the outcome. Nature has a way of calming and soothing. And I find the greenery around us just has a way of adding beauty to our otherwise highly concrete world. But don’t get me wrong, I still like city life very much. I want to see the greenery but from the comfort of an air-conditioned room. Can we have both?

There is the whole climate change thing that is happening and a big meeting takes place very soon in Copenhagen. I personally don’t think very much is going to come out of it. Sure, everyone will say they want to do something and many will even go so far as to commit to trying to do something, but no one will really sign on to have a specific number. I mean think about it. If you can’t even take care of your people and their basic necessities like food and drinking water. Why would you care about something like the environment?

So back to my question of can we have both? I say yes. If we save a little here and there, if we cut back on what we consume a little here and there. It all adds up. It is really up to us to help change things for the better. Will we save the world from it’s ultimate doom? Nope. The way I see it, the world’s got to end sometime, so why spend your time suffering and crying about it? As they say – seize the day. Do what you can to delay the outcome, in the meantime, go out and make a difference to others.

Think about it this way. If we spent less time trying to make more money and instead spent more time trying to help more people, we would actually save the environment since  we would consume less simply because we would not be able to keep buying stuff! For example, we would buy things that last and try our best to make them last – so that means less waste. Or we would buy a fuel efficient, part battery operated car since it would save us money in the long run. So that means less luxury sports cars that travel shorter distances using more petrol. We would just become more practical and frugal and as a result, more eco friendly.

Therefore, in my own convoluted way of thinking, the world can be a better place if we simply choose to put people before wealth. If we choose to use more of our time helping others, it changes the way we live our lives. And if we consume less, less is produced.

At the end of the day, we help people, we help mother nature, we help create a better tomorrow.

The debate on starting a family and having kids is one that will continue to plague us for many many years. There is no “fix it” solution out there simply because it’s about personal choice and short of making it law, we can never control what people do or do not want.

The Singapore government has thrown a very sexy package of incentives to parents to encourage them to have kids. Great, I say! I’m a parent and plan to have another kid so these benefits are great for someone like me. But what about those who were not considering having kids, would this make a difference? Or perhaps a more accurate question is – would this get them to start thinking about the possibility of having kids. And my answer is yes.

So in that respect, the incentives have worked. If it’s got people to start thinking about the option, then it’s a campaign that has worked and really that is all the government can do to get the ball rolling.

It’s amazing being a parent! Really, I speak from what little experience I have. I have a three and a half year old daughter and she is such a joy to have. I cannot tell you how much we love her and until you have a child of your own, you’ll never know just how much your parents love you. Honestly!

But these days there are so many distractions out there. I once met a man who told me he was from a family of 8 children. I looked in disbelief…and then he said half jokingly - ”my parents didn’t have a TV!”

Yes, these days there are many distractions. And as a young single person or worse still a DINK (double income no kids) your lifestyle is quite simply – awesome! Cash in hand, no added responsibilities, you eat at nice restaurants, buy what you please and you can just pack up and go for a holiday as and when you please. So why would you want to have a kid and give up that lifestyle? 

I can only say – think long term.

What is a family gathering if it’s only the two of you? It’s just not the same. Sure, there are friends and all, but honestly, your own children and later their children, bring about an atmosphere that cannot be replicated with just friends.

My parents today have 7 grandchildren and I think it has really given them a second lease of life. They spoil the kids rotten, they play with them, they take them to the park, buy them ice cream, sweets, toys…they do all the stuff we tell them not to. They have added a festive mood to the home by their bubbly laughter and cute one liners. These children are helping them create more wonderful memories, some of which will probably resurface at their wedding!

On the flip side, the grandparents are a good influence on the children as they help pass on good values and teachings. 

So all in all, I say, just keep an open mind to having kids. Don’t think of it as hard work or time lost. Sure, you may miss out on some things but when you weigh them against each other, there is simply no comparison. How can a night out compare with the love from another person?

So if you’re wondering where I’ve been and why I’ve been misssing from work. Well, believe it or not, I got hit with HFMD. Yep, that’s Hand Foot Mouth Disease, the thing they say only kids under the age of ten largely get. So what am I doing with it?!!!

My daughter caught it first and so we kept her home and away from others, but I guess since all reports say adults are very unlikley to get it, I did not think much about it. Then I got the fever, then a few spots appeared and then my throat got really painful and some ulcers developed in my mouth. Yep, my super young genes had kicked in and got me sick! My friends have been teasing me saying – at least the bug still thinks you are young!

But it’s taught me an important lesson in humility. Don’t underestimate something just because it rarely happens to you. I can think of the many times I’ve shrugged something off simply because I thought…well, there is only a 10% chance I’ll get it. Or when H1N1 was really spreading and at times I told myself, it’s okay, no need to wear a mask. It is exactly during those moments when we let our guard down that things do happen. And this is especially so with medically related things. Viruses do not take a break, they do not go on vacation and for some reason, they know exactly when to strike.

So now when you head to the doctor and he’s wearing a mask and if the clinic you enter asks that you wear a mask too, don’t shrug it off. It just might a difference after all.

That being said, the little one is back at school and I can’t wait to get back to work. It feels like my life has been put on hold and things are just hanging in limbo. For the kind of guy I am, sitting around, doing nothing is hard…it’s very hard!

Ever since I’ve started this blog, I’ve written about quite a variety of things but over time I’ve noticed that none are as popular as the one I wrote about my time in national service. I think it’s because every guy has to go through it in Singapore and so it’s a topic that will always be relevant.

So I thought I might share a bit more about why I found value in my time at national service.

For starters, it gets you doing stuff you most likely would never do. So for some, the chance to fire a real machine gun or to fly in a helicopter with no doors might seem exciting. For others, the idea of sitting in a mosquito laden jungle in the middle of the night waiting for the “so called” enemy or the concept of digging up a big hole to “hide in” just seems rather stupid.  But either way, you do learn something from it.

I have thought both ways at different stages of my national service and many a time I thought myself smarter than the strategies they were teaching. You see the military has a strange way of making the simple seem complex and the complex seem even more complex. If you can polish a boot with one sponge, they’ll ask that you first use a stick to put on the kiwi, then the sponge to brush it and finally a cloth to clean what the sponge has already cleaned. Why? It’s about discipline.

It’s just like taking your driving test. You drive your very best, always check your rear view mirror, keep to the speed limit, do a full stop at the stop sign…then you pass and the next thing you know, you’re driving as if you’re the only car on the road.

So there is sense in the madness. We have to learn how things should be, we have to learn what is the ideal or model answer. If we do not aim for perfection, we will never even come close. Because we know that perfection is very rarely achieved but in order to try and get as close as we can to it, we then become creative. So we learn how to think outside the box and we learn to find ways to achieve goals that may otherwise be impossible. Anyone who has been through national service will tell you about the numerous ingenious way to achieve “almost perfect” goals. I’m not saying they are the best way to do something but they force you to adapt and to be versatile. You learn to use what you have around you to achieve a goal.

And that’s just like real life. Problems occur because things don’t go as they should and telling the problem to “go by the book” isn’t going to solve it. So we find ways to adapt and it is this versatility that helps us get by.

But of all the things I learnt, I learnt the most about people. I learnt more about relating to others and working as a team. I learnt the importance of earning the respect of others and it did not matter what rank or vocation you were. I learnt that in everything we do, people are truly the most important part of the equation.

So that’s it. For those who are about to go in, yes, you should be a little afraid, it’s a whole new world. But don’t denouce it before you’ve given it a chance. Make the most of your two years there. It can be time well spent or time totally wasted. It’s up to you.