The Skeptical Optimist

It’s been a long and eventful 2008. Just in general with prison breaks, larger than life political elections, devastating earthquakes, horrific terrorist attacks and of course an unthinkable financial meltdown. It’s been a busy year for the news business - which means not a good year for the world in general. Usually most people look forward to the new year as a chance to start afresh, do better and feel happier - somehow though 2009 appears to be viewed with some apprehension. This is one of the few times that a buoyant optimism hasn’t really been the mood for the new year.

For me, I feel that 2008 was the year the world sort of speeded up, with more intense news coverage, more internet connectivity and use, more of just everything. When you live in a fast-paced city like Singapore, sometimes we often forget to look back and reflect or even just hold on to the past.

My kids’ daycare is moving premises, and on the last day of their time at the old centre we went to pick the children up and I gasped because they had completely taken down every single piece of artwork, every last poster, photograph, set of shelves, divider, curtain - and just white washed the entire space. It was as if the last 2 years of my child’s life in school had been completely wiped out. I mean, sure they are going to a new swanky daycare centre, with brand new facilities et al. But it was the casualness with which they performed this move and erasure that really struck me. After all, a lot of us have the same experience in Singapore; I’m thinking of schools, workplaces, religious institutions and of course homes that have just disappeared off the face of island without much afterthought. I often wonder what this does to our sense of belonging and memory. Singaporeans are a pragmatic bunch, fundamentally, but these constant erasures have to affect us in some way.

(As I write, there are a few days left to the bulldozing of a large part of the Seletar Airbase, a place known for its colonial black and white houses, tranquil atmosphere and community life. Just another casualty of progress of course. Just another blip in our speeded up lives.)

So this new year - I say, be optimistic, look forward and try not to be too bogged down by worries and fears. But at the same time, take stock and remember to look back and appreciate the places, people, memories still around you… in many more ways than one, life is fleeting and there’s no point if it’s not lived fully.

Tags: 2008, 2009, hope, memory

It’s that time of the year again, only this year there’s not so much anticipation for the new year and a great deal of apprehension for the current festive season. So much doom and gloom about the economy and the security situation is being reported constantly and it can really get you down.

For Primetime Morning I do some producing for segments on lifestyle which can include dining, shopping and arts and culture… While the buzzword for last year’s festive season was luxury, this year it’s definitely budget. Frankly, I don’t think that’s so much of a bad thing, too much excess can cloud our minds with the material and make it difficult to remember the things that are truly important: family, friends, quality time spent with loved ones and really just the simple things in life. It’s important not to see these as some soppy Hallmark card cliches and really think about what it means to be present with your loved ones. We are still really lucky in spite of crashing stock markets and plummeting property prices. Just think, tonight, most of us will have a warm comfortable place to sleep and probably a good meal with friends and family. What could be worth more than that?

Tags: 2009, counting blessings, family

Recently there have been a spate of reports of horrific child abuse cases and I have to admit that I can hardly bring myself to read some of them. There was one that was closer to home about a man caning his stepson over 100 times in 2 hours and then there was truly frightening case of Baby P, a toddler who was abused for much of his short life and died of the most gruesome injuries. That case really disturbed me because my son Dante is basically the same age as Baby P and I flinch even when he as much as bumps his head… so I can’t even begin to conceive what it means to treat a vulnerable infant like that as a “punching bag”. I can’t even begin to understand what goes on in the minds of these parents, or the adults that were entrusted with his care.

This isn’t to say that ordinary parenthood is always plain sailing. I have 2 boys who are about 23 months apart and they can be very jealous of each other, to the point where I feel like I’m a referee at a particularly vicious football match. My 3 year old has had his fair share of terrible twos and threes as well - so I know all too well the anger and frustration that most parents have with their strong-willed preschoolers. A few times a month I catch myself on the brink of saying something that I would regret or spanking him out of anger and not with a motive to instructively punish. Which parent hasn’t felt this way? Especially after repeated defiance or disregard of the rules? In the words of super-nanny - I think we all need a time-out.

I love my children very much, but I have to say I’m finding out that parenting is a long and hard road. Most people are scared of the responsibilities and inconveniences of being pregnant and having a baby - but let me tell you, the French have got it right when they say, “Petits enfants petits problemes, grands enfant, grands problemes” (small children, small problems, big children, big problems). Watching and helping your children achieve more independence, grow up emotionally and physically are beautiful but punishing experiences. Each stage in a child’s life sees him or her having some pretty complex needs and there is no real rule book to help you deal with it. Every child is unique and special.

I don’t mean to scare anyone off, but I think that if you’re going to have a child you need to know what you’re in for. Sometimes I think one reason why child abuse happens in the first place is because these parents weren’t ready for the commitment, responsibility and challenge of raising a child. It’s one thing to bring a life into this world, it’s another thing to help nurture it into a kind, caring, thoughtful human being. Along the way though, you’ll find that it’s not just the child that’s growing - but you as well - and in ways you never imagined were possible.

Tags: child abuse, parenting, strong willed children

Sometimes it’s hard to fathom how deep this hole of a financial crisis goes. For me, I’ve been reading about doom and gloom for weeks now and through the bulletins know about bailout plans, capital injection and what this means for the markets… Still when somebody comes up with a figure like 700 billion US dollars or a phrase like “trillions have been lost over the past few days” - it’s just really hard to get your head around these figures.

Of course, economists and experts say that because we’ve just had some boom times, what’s happening to the market is taking a while to trickle down the ordinary folk. But trickle down it will, in fact, some are likening what’s to come to a tsunami. We’re already seeing the foreclosures in the States and back here at home the sad plight of retirees who lost their life savings unwittingly investing in Lehman Brothers.

Where I’m feeling it the most is in my portfolio which has gone down by over 30 percent on paper. I’m just holding my breath and waiting it out… But I can’t help remembering that it’s a real privilege that I can do so, that I had set this money aside for investment purposes and have other savings that I can tap on for emergencies. Frankly, I can’t begin to understand what it must be like for those retiring or about to retire, seeing their nest egg wiped out like that.

I’m no expert on economics, but sometimes I wonder whether one of the reasons why we’re in this situation today is the greater cultural shift to a greed based, instant gratification society. A few years ago, my mother, who is now a retired junior college teacher pointed out a difference in the students she had taught over the decades; when she asked them what they wanted the most from their jobs previously, they said the most important thing would be to help others, as she neared retirement, most of them had one word for her: money. I encountered this impulse myself when I was nearing graduation in the States, a lot of my peers were going to luxe interviews for investment banks on Wall Street and talk on the senior campus was thick with whether JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs paid better.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m immune to all this talk. Who doesn’t want a bigger more comfortable apartment or a nicer car? I don’t have a maid, but that’s mainly because I can’t afford to hire one and rent a room for her away from my apartment so that she has more space for herself. I ration out high end meals and cut back on clothes and makeup for myself… Still, I wonder how did we get here? How did we become a society so focused on where to make a quick buck through investing in risky securities? Where do we get off taking on jobs not for passion or for the difference they make in people’s lives, but for the money?

Tags: financial crisis, greed, investment banking, jobs, uncertainty

This is my younger son, Dante - aged almost 17 months. I think the gene pool acquitted itself quite well here….:) He has just started talking and one of his favourite and complete phrases is “I want milk!” - this is usually preceded by pulling you to the kitchen and pointing vigorously at the fridge. I nursed him until he was about 10 months old and then weaned him gradually off to formula (I found that goat’s milk went down best) and then to full cream cow’s milk.

I have to admit that I’m one of those compulsive parents who read ingredient labels like a fiend and try as far as possible to feed my children balanced, natural and where affordable, organic diets. It’s not easy, but we try our best. So I can completely imagine the anguish of those parents in China and their anger at the unscrupulous (can I use the word evil?) companies who used an industrial grade toxin to boost protein levels in diluted milk. Frankly, it’s really incredible that this could happen in the first place. For one, the people responsible for doing this must have some basic grasp of science, so by default they would know the consequences of their actions. It boggles the mind.

But it also highlights a greater problem in our increasingly globalised and complex food supply chain. It’s already fairly challenging to screen out suspect products and produce from countries like China but what of raw materials in processed food? There is just no way to make sure that chocolate bar that’s made in Australia didn’t get its milk from China. In my household, I’d stopped buying vegetables and fruit from China for a few years now, but even then, I can’t escape the fact that everytime I eat out in my favourite coffeeshop or hawker centre, that stewed cabbage I love or the kailan stirfry that I dutifully order are probably, inevitably from China.

Of course, most Singaporeans say that they trust the AVA here and that proper checks are in place. I don’t doubt that the regulatory agency is doing its job, and I’ve personally met some of the people there and I know they are very serious about what they do. But the truth is, tests are not foolproof for the simple fact that there are some things that most agencies would never think of testing for. In this latest case of melamine tainted foodstuff - the regulatory agency in China admitted that the idea of finding melamine in milk was so unlikely that they just didn’t test for it as a contaminant. That’s like trying to test flour for cement - you wouldn’t think it was there in the first place…

Most of all though, I worry for my children - their little bodies harbour greater concentrations of toxins and their organs are less able to cope with filtering out the bad stuff. What do you do as a mother, when they lookat you with trusting innocence and happily slurp up whatever is put in front of them on the table? As I wrote before, I try to buy organic most of the time and I avoid most processed foods - but this whole scandal has really left me with a bad taste in the mouth. How much trust should we give food labeling? When is 100% fresh cow’s milk not 100%?

Tags: china food scandal, food safety

It’s 2 days to National Day and my elder son Luca has been asked to lead the pledge taking ceremony for his daycare’s national day celebrations. They were looking for a multi-racial contingent and my son was chosen because he fits into the category of “others”.

My children are half Italian and half Singaporean and from the time we had to fill in their details on the birth certificate forms till now, we’ve been struggling with how they fit into these unwieldly categories. Technically they aren’t Eurasian because their dad isn’t, so for now they are just in the hold all category of “others”. Then there’s the matter of ethnic costumes… every time Racial Harmony Day rolls around, we always get requests to dress Luca in a national costume. My husband makes a funny face and wrinkles his brow, but no good Sicilian national costume comes to mind, so one year he went in a Thai outfit, and this year we are debating between a Punjabi suit and an Italian soccer jersey….after all, they didn’t really specify whose national costume.

But I have to say, when we think about the list of countries we could see bringing up the kids in, Singapore always ranks pretty much near the top. It’s hard to find a country that accepts biracial or multiracial kids with no questions asked, with hardly a second look. Perhaps it’s because we are ultimately a nation of migrants, travellers, post-colonials, expats and converted heartlanders. I say converted heartlander thinking of my husband who has learnt how to negotiate the public transport system, knows the difference between a five room improved and five room advanced flat and enjoys durian and claypot rice. Most of all though, he’s started to see this as a second home - coming back from Italy the other day he mused that he was strangely happy to see Changi airport.

It’s different in Italy where a lot of emphasis is placed on a homogeneous Italian culture and race. There, foreigners are still often viewed with apprehension and skepticism. I remember the first time I went to the smallish town where my in-laws stay and how I nearly caused a little boy to fall off his bicycle because he had never seen a Chinese woman before. I think some of the people we encounter in the supermarket still think I’m the domestic help! And while mixed marriages like ours are on the rise, they aren’t viewed with the same acceptance as they are here.

Of course, it hasn’t always been a bed of roses - we’ve had our lot of bureaucratic problems and people who think all women who marry foreigners are sarong party girls! But by and large, most of the people I meet are happy for us and for our children, that they get to have unique views and insights to two cultures. For show and tell at Luca’s daycare recently, we sang some Italian songs to Luca’s class and it was great to share something different.

I produced an interview with overseas Singaporean author Wena Poon the other day on Primetime Morning and a term she used really struck me. She talked about “larger Singapore”, about enlarging the physical borders of Singapore to include those Singaporeans who have made their lives overseas. For me, I would include the Singaporeans who have chosen to enlarge our perceptions of country and belonging even from within our borders. Whatever happens, I’m sure that my sons will always be able to call this island home.

Tags: family life, identity, italian, others, singaporean

Now and then I sit in on the morning shift for Suzanne Jung. It’s a different beast from the half-hourly bulletins that we usually do as rostered readers for the day shift. Primetime Morning is a 3 hour, non-stop breakfast programme that has 2 presenters and distinguishes itself from the rest of the bulletins with its varied segments and live studio interviews.

It’s really good fun, Steve and I get along fine and come up with some ok repartee (I hope). In any case, the first question people always ask after they see me on that shift is, “what time do you have to get up?” Well the short answer is just before 4am, for the show that starts at 6.30am. Basically I try to wake up before my alarm so the kids and husband aren’t disturbed. I pad quietly to the kitchen to fix my tupperware of breakfast which can be eaten either before the show or during particularly long commercial breaks or prerecorded segments. Then I drive to work, getting there around 4.30-5am to do my hair and makeup (eyeliner at 4.45am is always a little tough) and spend the rest of the time before the show making sure I know what’s happening for the interviews that day, checking the news updates and prerecording segments that go out later in the bulletin.

One of the things I really love though, is driving at 4.30am. The streets are almost empty except for the taxis on the night shift, and there’s something about the smell of the early morning air that takes me back to my childhood and the times I had to wake up before the sun rose just to go to school. That stillness of the early morning air feels like it’s waiting for someone or something; there’s a great sense of anticipation in the sleeping city and suburbs. Just a few more hours and minutes and the roads will be jammed with cars, the pavement lined with people waiting for buses and cabs and the trees full of birds.

Funnily this always makes me acutely aware of being in Singapore, this waking before dawn and before your circadian rhythms tell you to. Also, the way the sun rises like clockwork at around 7 and sets 12 hours later is also something that I feel is associated with being home in a way. When I went to the States to study or visited my in-laws in Italy for long periods at a stretch, it always seemed unnatural for the sun to set at 4pm in the winter and 9pm at night. My husband on the other hand is a little weirded out by the regularity of our days. His clock is wired to the turn of the seasons, how summer seems more languorous while winter days are short.

It’s funny how one gets accustomed to things as a child and then sees that as the norm for the rest of the their lives. But I’m also glad I experienced life in another country - it gives you a richer more complex perspective on how other people see things. And reminds you that this fairly ensconced and comfortable life isn’t the only one that exists.

These days doing the early morning shift now and then and waking up early to the quietness of deserted streets, I get a funny sense of belonging to the slumbering city. When the autocue in the studio comes on and the studio director counts down through my earpiece, I imagine students switching on their tv sets, bleary eyed like I was so long ago, starting their day before dawn and leaving the tv as background or foreground. I imagine all the workers ending their night shift and going with relief to their unslept in beds, the commuters in the crowded buses who watch us on the go and all the people who start their day as early as I do or in the last hour of the show. The television camera is a strange thing, because sometimes you don’t stop to think about how it brings you into the lives of people you might never meet. I hope though that we somehow inform and add to their lives, to your lives…

Tags: memory, morning news, seasons, time zones